


Want

by istanraven



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 09:13:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19082008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/istanraven/pseuds/istanraven
Summary: Bruce finds a drunk Selina at the Sirens, a drunk Selina that doesn't hesitate asking him what he really wants. (based on 5x05 of Gotham)





	Want

“I’m looking for Selina.” 

“Follow me.” 

Bruce walked further into the club, watching for the familiar head of curls but found nothing. He’d been searching desperately all day, of course she was usually impossible to find, but today felt different. She wasn’t herself and he knew that. Ivy’s remedy had changed Selina and he’d been trying to refuse to accept that fact, desperately trying to refuse that the woman he loved had turned into a killer and he could do nothing to stop it. His last resort had been the club after hours of searching through the streets and the apartments she’d stayed in before. Part of him knew she would be here, knowing that what had happened to him would happen to her. He’d felt himself break, a part of him being lost forever when he’d first killed Ra’s, he tried to fill that missing part of him with alcohol and blasting music at clubs, a distraction from the emptiness his life became. 

He knew she would do the same after killing Jeremiah, that she wouldn’t know how to handle her situation and turn to what he had turned to. She had been the one to pull him out of that all consuming darkness as he buried himself in alcohol, now he had to be the one to help her. But he couldn’t bring himself to believe that that could happen to her, so he saved the club as the last part to search, his heart dropping as Barbara first looked at him with a knowing glance as he’d walked in. 

He noticed Barbara lift up her glass before sending him a smile that placed immediate unease into him.

“Everybody,” She shouted, “raise your glasses to the killer of Jeremiah Valeska.”

Killer.

He stood for a moment, his eyes grazing the crowd until he spotted her, sitting on the same booth he’d sat in all those months ago when their positions had been switched. Her gaze met his unwavering as she brought the glass back up to her lips, downing the contents inside. She looked beautiful as always but there was a dangerous look in her eyes that sent chills down his spine, it was like she was a completely different person. He took a deep breath before taking a seat at the edge of the bar, taking off his jacket and throwing it over the back of the chair. He’d been chasing her for too long, if she wanted to speak to him, she would come. Not even another moment had passed before he heard her voice beside him.

“You’ve come here to save me?” She asked and he tilted his head to watch as she took a seat at the stool next to his. 

“Save you?”

“I know you’re not just here to grab a drink, you think that you have the responsibility to make sure I don’t go down a dark path right?” She asked, downing another shot before looking back at him. “News flash Bruce, you can’t protect me from everything, especially myself.” 

He clenched his jaw as he turned back towards the bar, the reality of the situation starting to fester in his mind. He knew what she was saying was true, no matter how much he wanted to believe it wasn’t true. 

“Unless,” she said slowly, “You’re here for another reason.”

His brows furrowed as he looked back over at her, she wasn’t meeting his gaze like she was a moment before, her eyes were slightly lowered and Bruce’s breath caught in his throat as the realization of what she was insinuating started to dawn on him. 

“Selina-” 

“I know what you want, Bruce.” She immediately murmured before she met his gaze again, the danger still lingering in her eyes. 

It was like a wave washed over him and he froze suddenly, his mind completely shutting down for a moment as he looked at her. She was right, of course she was. He hadn’t been all too inconspicuous about his feelings for her, but he hadn’t even gotten the courage to voice it outloud, and hearing it from her had his heart hammering against his chest, his grip on the edge of the bar tightening as he tried to make sure he wouldn’t collapse off of the stool. He looked away from her for a moment to try to remind himself of the reason he was there but when he looked back at her, all his previous thoughts as he’d entered the club that day left his mind. She was looking at him in a way he’d only glimpsed mere moments before. It was a look filled with absolute warmth like a comfort but molded together with a raging fire that he knew could burn him. 

He’d seen that look when they were standing in his study, a moment before Ra’s had interrupted them. He’d seen that look when they’d been sitting on the couch, when he’d told her he didn’t know what would've happened had she not been there when he needed her. It was almost a look of desperation, like she was afraid of losing something, afraid of something falling from her grasp. Was she scared that what she had become would scare him away, that she’d lose him and that if she didn’t do something to stop him in that moment, then she would?

He turned to look at her again, a sentence at the tip of his tongue, but as he turned he found the words slipping from his mouth in a strangled gasp as he felt her hand grasp onto his leg. He knew Selina was never this forward, but then again he had also never seen her drunk before. 

“Selina, look, I came here because I know how you’re feeling right now. Trust me, I’ve gone through this, I can help you, we’re the same.” He barely managed to murmur as he watched her eyes trail across his face, grazing slowly across his lips. 

She flinched as if his words had burned her before she leaned back in her seat, watching him with anger flickering across her eyes. 

“The same?” She scoffed, before she leaned closer towards him as if her next words were meant to be hidden. “The difference between you and I, Bruce, is that you felt bad about what you’d done, I don’t.”

“I know you don’t mean that.” He murmured, desperately trying to make himself believe what he’d said, desperately trying to make it true. 

“Do you?” She asked, her brows raised before she nodded slowly, “Right, because you think you know me?” 

“Look,” he started, “I know you wanted him dead because of what he did to you, because he wanted to hurt me. I know you wanted revenge but Selina-”

“You think you know what I want?” She interrupted.

He said nothing, just looked at her because he didn’t even know if he knew the answer to that question. He didn’t even know who she’d become after the hospital, he didn’t know if she was the same person he was in love with. He didn’t know what she wanted anymore. She let out a breath before grasping onto a glass laying on the counter, bringing it to her lips and downing it before she set it back down heavily, the loud crack echoing through Bruce’s skull, before she turned back towards him, leaning so closely Bruce could see the bright green of her eyes so fully he found himself getting lost in them. 

“I wanted him dead because I wanted you alive, Bruce.” She seethed, “I wanted to stop him from stopping at nothing to continue tormenting you until he completely broke you, shattering everything you’ve been working towards, turning you into the monster that has been threatening to become you since your parents died and the darkness began to consume you. I didn’t want the damn revenge.”

She simply looked at him now, her chest rising and falling rapidly as if it had taken so much of her strength to spew out her last words. Bruce couldn’t move, he couldn’t think as he watched her, the lights up on the ceiling flashing blue and red across her face. He’d always thought of Selina being selfish, that her actions were usually motivated by her desire to get something in her favor. He knew he’d do anything for her, he’d die for her, but he never thought she’d do the same. 

He watched as she leaned closer to him halting any chance he had at producing another coherent sentence. He felt as if his heart had stopped beating once he’d felt her breath wash over his neck. It had only been a few days the last time he had been this close to her but it still affected him nonetheless. 

No one would ever be able to make him this weak, this automatic vulnerability. 

No one would ever have such control over him. 

No one except her. 

“You know what I want, now tell me, what do you want, Bruce?” She whispered in his ear, her curly hair grazing his cheek.

It’s when he felt the soft touch of her lips against his neck that all sense of everything disappeared, his entire mind went numb as he sat on that stool in that club, a very drunk Selina skimming her lips down his neck like this was leisure for her. Like it wasn’t completely wrecking Bruce, his heart hammering against his chest, his breathing reducing to nothing. Sure he’d been in this position with girls before, but none of them could even begin to compare to Selina, having her this close meant more to him than anyone ever could. 

But she knew what she was doing to him, she knew what he wanted and she’d given him a little of it in the past few days, small glimpses of hope that Bruce could get what he so desperately desired. 

Her love. 

Her trust.

Her.

“Tell me, Bruce.” She murmured against his neck before pulling away slightly, her lips barely touching his as he tried to maintain whatever control he had over his sense, over his mind. He couldn’t even begin to deny how hopelessly and entirely in love with this Selina he was. He couldn’t begin to deny how much he wanted, no, needed her. 

All other doubts or complications that had been going through his head as he searched the streets that morning and as he walked into that club vanished from his mind the moment her lips pressed firmly against his. She stood up before sitting on his lap, her hands softly wringing through his hair. He froze for a moment, losing all sense of his movement before something snapped in him. He frantically wrapped his arm around her, holding onto her face with the other hand, feeling the movement of her face as a small smile lifted her lips. She knew she had him right where she wanted, he knew that, but he ignored it. Ignored the fact that she probably was too drunk to even remember this later, too drunk to remember what she’d told him, too drunk to really be wanting him like he wanted her. 

And for a moment, sitting in that club, the music and voices blaring around them disappeared as two desperate people held onto each other, wanting, no needing each other like they needed oxygen. Needing each other because they were all each other had. Needing each other because they only found peace from the hell of their lives together. 

Needing each other because they knew they could never have each other. 

They broke away after a moment, their breaths heavy as Selina looked at him through bright green eyes, a new fire burning in them, but the fog covering them before had disappeared. “What do you want, Bruce?” She murmured, a desperation littering her words as she looked down at him. His gaze flickered across her face as he thought about that day he’d met her, the day he’d found her in the manor, her curly hair flying in all directions as she held onto one of his father’s many vases. He’d thought she was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen, the way the playful smile lingered on her face. 

He thought about the day he’d realized he needed her, the day when it had been the darkest, the day weeks after his parents murder when he wished he’d been laying on that street alongside them. She’d climbed in through that window, that small smile on her face and as he looked at her he realized then that she would always be the one person that could pull him out of that darkness, that despair. She would always be his light in the darkness. 

He thought about the day he’d pushed her away, when he’d told her she didn’t care about anyone but herself, that she didn’t care about him. Watching her walk away that day broke him more than he thought anything could, he thought he’d lost her because he’d began to panic at the fact that Selina could be in Alfred’s place, that she could be hurt in that hospital because of him, and he couldn’t lose her. 

He couldn’t lose Selina. 

He thought about the day he thought he did. The day he’d seen her fall onto his study table, hearing the glass underneath her shatter along with his heart, his soul as he desperately tried to call her name, watching the life disappear from her eyes. He thought about the day he realized he was in love with her, or rather the day he’d realized he’d been in love with her since he’d seen her in that hallway all those years ago. 

What did he want? He wanted her more than he’d ever want anything, ever. He wanted her with him through everything because she was what made him stronger, she made him Bruce Wayne, she made him the person he was today. He wanted her because he needed her, because he would never love someone to fully with his entire being than her. 

“You,” He barely managed to gasp, “I want you.”

“Good.” She whispered, her eyes flickering across his face for a moment before she lifted herself off of his stool and walked back towards the booth she’d been at earlier. 

He sat in there for a moment, watching her walk away from him like he’d watched her walk away on that roof all those years ago when he’d first told her how he felt. He’d been filled with such joy and hope back when they had just been children, when everything wasn’t so complicated. He let himself have hope then too, letting himself know that Selina had done what she’d done to protect him, her actions motivated by him, like his were by her. He’d realized then that he’d let his guard down, he’d let her in but thoughts began to enter his head. He always saw her walking away, would he never be enough for her to want to stay? He let out a defeated sigh before he stood up, turning around to grab the jacket off the back of his chair, before he heard her voice behind him again. 

“Because I do too.” 

He turned around quickly, looking down at Selina who now stood with her coat tucked under her arm, her lips adorned with a small smile that sent a warmth coursing through his entire body, his heart full as he began to let himself hope more than he’d ever dared himself to. 

Maybe, just maybe, they could have what they wanted.


End file.
